sad time

Dorothy Doolittle (1921-2010)

This last week has been quite a sad one. Last friday night my dad phoned and urged me to rush home to St. Catharines as my granny had fallen into a state which clearly was the beginning of the end. I drove home that night, and stayed the weekend at her side with all of my family. My sister flew home from bc, my uncle from florida and my cousin from halifax. The rest of us live local, so all rushed to see her. It was really really really tough, and i've never been so sad before. It was hard to watch someone on their way out. I mean, in a way it was nice in that she held on to see every one she loved, and got to see her younger sister, all of her children and grandchildren, and some of her closest friends. She wasn't suffering *too*badly, i guess it's all relative, as moving her every two hours to lie on the other side tired her out so badly. However, the last few years have been tiring for her, and i know she probably wished she could have gone out more, or seen us more. I got to tell her that I love her. I hope she heard. It was hard to see her struggle to even open one of her eyes. .Breathing took so much effort Monday morning came along, and i had to drive back up to london to work. I almost called in, but had planned to take wednesday off to come down again to spend another day with her. However, pretty much two hours later when i arrived to work, my mom called to say she had passed, after 4 and a half days of no water, food or medication. I am still upset i didn't stay until the end. I wish i could've been there to hold her hand with my mom. She died in the presence of my mother, my uncle and my cousin. I'm glad my mom and my uncle were there. I'm so glad she didn't go alone. I hope that at that moment, she knew how much everybody loved her and how much we all relied on her. Even just knowing she was there, always willing to support us and to be proud of us, was amazing. I think i'm old enough now to experience the sense of loss properly. I feel a little bit like some of my roots, or an anchor has been dislodged. She was so amazing.. and i am so sad that i'll never get to see her again.